I've finally resurfaced… and it has quite literally been a life altering couple months. I left a job I loved, transitioned into a new job that I love, taught my last semester at SUNY Adirondack (for the moment anyway but alas also left another job that I loved), gained a commission work, received two exhibit invitations, and quite plainly lived my life-
When my life is in such flux, I tend to dig in and keep quiet, often this happens a bit painfully because despite my insides writhing with emotion and nervous energy- I keep quiet to listen and observe. I attempt to practice empathy and compassion in this anxious solitude all in an effort to collect my thoughts before I release them. I keep quiet because I know the wait is usually worth the reward.
Truthfully, a feeling had been stirring in me for a while whispering that it was time for a change. Fear and uncertainty kept it out of reach for a while until finally opportunity presented itself and that small feeling became a whole new reality. I am still feel sad sometimes, grieving the few things I couldn't take with me, but despite these losses I feel much stronger.
Working in the arts field requires so much of yourself and it is a lot of give and take. Change, grief, excitement, nerve- all of these things played key roles in what would result as a temporary loss of my creative mojo over these last couple months.
The last entry I wrote (in March) but I did not publish said this “I haven't had the best run of productive sessions in the studio lately. This all started back in late January when I returned to teaching two nights a week and responsibilities are many (per usual) with my day job(s). I also applied for 4 different exhibition opportunities (2 rejections so far), wrote at least 5 unpublished blog posts, started a commission piece, the studio kept having structural things wrong with it (as old buildings do), and lastly overall I've just been a bit distracted because so much has been going on and I've had a lot to think about.”
The loss of the creative mojo is normal and part of being an artist...it does not mean every studio session is creative ruin, it just means I had to alter my expectations of the creative pace I am used to working at. I have/had to be empathetic because the reality is I'm just not a tortured artist. I create best when my mind is clear and not clogged with other thoughts and details.
As I have began to re-surface- I have slowly found my creative strides but still need to manage my time a bit better. Lately I take it all on...which I know has a shelf life and I am finding time to rest and enjoy my life. We (Ben and I) kayak often and even though doesn't check things off my list, I know it's a necessary component to my successes too.
I've been taking a lot of pictures, spending hours just sitting, watching, and listening in my kayak while Ben fishes- I'll save the next entry for my findings so far but to complete this post I'll include some details that do show what I have been up to in my absence.